taking off...

It seems that I have been put into my place these days once I questioned my capability of being human. So far this year I have proven myself to feel in many areas other than music. I have dealt with depression, frustration, doubt, praise, mutual infatuation, redemption, and now recently loss! This week a very important part of my life perished. My very sociable calico feline named "Quickness". It was one of the hardest things to take in the morning I woke up as he was unable to awaken from his slumber. It was as if something with an unbareable excessive force just plunged into my system and scratched a very sharp rake into my soul without any regard. That might come off a bit overeacting to most humans, but if you were tight with this cat, you would be feeling the same exact pain.

Quickness was more than just a household pet, accessory, lawn furniture, or trouble maker. He was none of these things! I only point out those traits because that is what most humans refer to towards the cat community. Cats are always considered second rate because they are not held into the light the way other pets are held up to be. I don't think I have ever known a hamester, lizard, or even most dogs (jeez, i think i made alot of enemies now) that GOT IT more than Quickness. I put him on the same wave link as my human best friends! He was my friend, he was always there for me, and he had a soul. I will be damned to have anyone tell me that animals do not have feelings. WAKE UP AND GET A HEART, because obviously you are missing something.

My time with quickness was unfortunatly very breif. It was about mid March of 2007 when we first had crossed paths. I was currently working as a shipping organizer in a sneaker shop on the north shore of long island. The morning was muggy, with plenty og rain tapping very loud and onbnoxiously contending with the raquet of my playlist mostly consisting of Bad Brains that morning. I was arranging a shipment of nikes that would basically make any edgeman pass out from over stimulation, when I suddenly heard this extremly loud bash from the outside alley. I noticed this crate toppled near the Dunkin Donuts. I saw this cat just fishing thru the rubble of stale and disgusting pastries that many disgusting slobs stuff their faces with religiously. I get very disturbed when I see any living thing just alone in the cold, and struggling to get by for survival. I had just fixed up a brunch from the natural food grocery earlier and had a ton left over. I dunno if it was the tulasi beads on my neck, or my will to give, but I knew I had to save this cat from getting a future bypass surgery from all the bad donuts and bagels!

I departed my bloom of air max's and vandals to make friends with my troubled friend. I ignored the fact the i would get very damp for this attempt, but I took a share of my couscous salad, and placed it on the lid from a k-swiss box. I brought his attention by tapping a tempo on the cage of the stores back door. He was puzzled for a minute, but was with the quickness in noticing the lid of euphoric release. I slowly led him into my shipping area, and took a haggard sweatshirt from the defects bin, and made him an area to hang out and dry off in. I spent a few hours extra on my shift to make sure he was ok, and to recieve O.T. so I could aquire more stability when i would return from tour. When the store closed, I asked my manager if he could just hang out in the bathroom until we opened the next day. Luckily she was also a cat lover, and had compassion so she was cool with it. So I decided to leave the left overs, and keep my itunes on shuffle for him.

The next morning, it was the polar opposite in the weather forecast. I mean, I did not even have to wear a sweater on my lunch break walk. My feline friend was well rested, dry, and very pleased for my generosity as he greeted me with a delightful slide of gratitude. Ya know, the snake slide cats do with their torso across your jeans. I opened the door to let him know that if he wanted to leave, the option was there. Not even making this up, he walked over to the door for maybe 5 minutes, then just returned to his lounge area near the computer and recieving department. Right there, i knew I had struck a new friendship with this creature. I later went to fetch one of those generic cold drinks from DnD for one of my co workers, and I bombarded the manager with questions on the stray. Apparently he was not new to the area, in fact the manager recalled that he has been a friend to there garbage vacinity for 8 years. I then asked if he had a home of any sorts, and it was obvious that it was a mystery.

Later that day, I had to give him a name. I was wrapping up my days shipment when "Soul Craft" by the Bad Brains followed up "Monday, Monday, Monday" by you know who! For some reason, it just sprung into to my head. "Whats up Quickness" is what I addressed him with. And it went well. It even went well with the entire staff. So as far as I was concerned , this was my new friend in the work place. We had a routine. Every time I was on shift, I would feed him, hang out with him, spin him some fresh music, and give him attention. At night he would go outside and work the streets, but if it was very unfair in the forecast, we was kept inside.

Fall time rolls around. Things at the shop were shaken up a bit financially. Apparently my co manager had to double his responsabilities and was given my task of becoming shipping organizer. The move was made in order to keep the shop open, and I was unfortunatly laid off. It was decided on good terms, and I understood why. My attendance had been poor the past few months anyways since I was on tour all the time. Everything was cool, but then I realized that I may never see Quickness as much as I did. I kinda hung out for a bit past my final shift just to say goodbye to him , and let it be known that I would not forget him. As I was about to leave, something just tugged into my thoughts. It sounded crazy, but I'am used to being called crazy all the time, so I went with my instinct. I asked my manager if I would be able to take Quickness home since he had no home. At first, she asked if I was crazy. But I don't know if my sweet talk switch came on, or if people sometimes have a likewise way of being rational, but she was then super cool about it. I started up my car, went to the donut shop and explained the situation, and it was official. Quickness was finally going to have a home.

I did not even tell my family, I just went for it. Nothing but a natural and easy going soaking towards a new life. He reacted quite laid back as I lifted him up, held him my sweatshirt, and drove him home. The welcome was very warm to him. My family knew how close I was to this cat, and had not a single quarrel about it. Even my dogs were amazing to his presence. That was a new step for them because the neighborhood cat commune was on a red alert for my k-9 unit. Quickness was the dude for his time! Just fit right in. He always was the first to come to the door when I would come home from tour. Whenever I made a meal at home, he would hang out in the kitchen and watch. Every morning I would brew a nice mug of espresso, and he would pay mind to what was up. Even with other people, he was on top! Whenever I a friend came over he would achknowledge them to the fullest. With girls he would never scratch their lap and scare them off. That always left a good impression which helped out my impression. We took care of each other, we where there for each other, and I never refered to him as a pet.

And that it is why I'am very upset over this loss. I lost a friend, and that is that. Accuse me all you want of being oversensitive, but the past 2 years where a big deal to me. This recent monday morning was one of the worst ways to wake up. And the fact that the autopsy came back inconclusive just lints me up even more. I can only guess that the practice made a mistake when guessing his age when he recieved his first check up. I guess thats the downside of not knowing ones past. Maybe he had some health issues or run ins that no one knew about. Or maybe he actually was older than he looked. I dunno.

But, I can say this. I will be bothered about this for a long time, yet at least I know that he knew what it was like to be cared for and what it was like to have a family. Even if it was only 2 years, that is better than nothing. Had we never met, maybe he would've had a more difficult ending. So that alone makes me somewhat fufilled. I just wish we had some more years to hang out. I think he mutually loved the Bad Brains as much as I did. So I guess what this is trying to sell, is that do not write off your pet as just a pet. Spend every moment you have with your animal companions, and never take them for granted. And I say this as a living thing myself, not just because I deeply care about animal rights. But I will never forget Quickness, and will miss him dearly! R.I.P my friend! Please give your 4 legged friends a huge hug today, and at least once a day!

paranoid android

For the past few months I have come to the conclusion that I' am a machine! Everything I do is in preparation or only beneficial to the creation of music. I feel like I do not have the ability to indulge in alot of things average heartful people partake in anymore. This is when I question why people say that I'am such a wonderful person. In order to have that complimant relevant, I have to become a person, and not such a mechanical machine who can really only relate to a jukebox!

How To Dissapear Completley

2009...I guess there is no way around it. I can't make any resolutions because that is not my style, but I have some visions. These visions can't be seen right now because they are work in progress until they are in the bare! This is not my attempt to get artsy, it's my focus to get the fuck out of this hamper of potential statements that need to be fufilled! So 2009, let's see what you've got!

Let's continue to turn up the music, and retire the miserable...

Forget about the ones that have it all...

Take that haggard pair of sneakers and really shine them into todays fresh moldings...

Leave behind what you knew, and really make best friends with what will push you to the utmost achievements...

Don't go home, for it is empty now! Just keep going on the road for identity towards what won't hurt you but only make you feel worthy...

Defy the dismay of others...

You come into this world with nothing except yourself, you leave this world with nothing except yourself. I still believe that is relevant to me and that is fine. I just want to love myself...

Keep a look out on the ones that will take care of you back...

just make something into a legacy... don't go unheard and invisible...