Thursday, June 26, 2008

I like the way you work it...

Too much is going on right now, and I personally don't know how to spill out in an entire blog. The past 2 weeks on the east coast really put back some substance, worth, appreciation, warmth, and much needed heart back into my deep end! I want this beneficial cycle to really just takeover the pre stage of 2008 which was just a stagnant mode of being stressed, unsatisfied, and one tracked! I'am learning to have fun again. If I keep up the right groove, it can only lead me to relearn some beautiful things in the past i once knew. Til then, I just need to focus on what brings me back up!

Sunday, June 15, 2008


It's kind of out of character for me to be excited when getting a grasp at downtime from the touring cycle, but I guess I will let it slide just once. I have been home for 5 days since I wrapped up a west coast tour with Wait In Vain. I will even boil down to admitting that it is kind of refreshing to get a breather from all the ante uping since i have only been home for 9 days the past 2 months! But anyways, this weekend actually felt like a weekend for once! I know that may come off as a slight "complexion cramper", (confusing statement) but when you are on tour constantly you can loose track of the 7 day rotation easily.

So I can layout that I thought this weekend was going to be kind of depressing due to current events, but it turned out to be the oppossite! I was deeply lingered with a cluster of dissapointment headed into Saturday night, but it turns out that you can rationalize alot while you are stuck in 3 hours of traffic from the demons of construction on the throgs, I-95, 91, and 84! I really made a point to just concentrate on the moment, and to even just forget about anything else barking in my life. Returning to the rhytm section of Ambitions definatly made me feel more alive than I had been feeling the past 6 months, but I think it was more than just the fresh patterns, rapid tempos, and clever song structures that brought me back up. The individuals in that band have been such a huge support system of mine the past 2 years. They literally bring out the best in me socially, musically, morally, and so on. I can point out many perks about bands I have been in, but when all those features do not gel, then it just does not work. Ambitions has all those qualaties down to the tee, and is by far the proudest creation I have been a part of in my existance so far.

But back to Saturday, it was just perfect for my spirits! I played so hard that my drum hardware was tapdancing out of place, I sweated out my vanilla soy latte from the rainy afternoon drive, and I was surrounded by such incredible friends during, and after the show. Like it was a moment that was not forced, and I felt relaxed, natural, and at home which is a feeling that had been missing for so long. And that is another thing about this band, it led to make some very legit bonds with people outside of the band that put forth so much incredible inspiration to my life and I cannot even express my entire appreciation for each one of them in this blog, because it would be longer than that 45 minute Sleep song (or however long it is).

So I guess the moment is what should be key for me right now I suppose. I know that I will unfortunatly loose the balance on that approach at times, but hey, at least I can point out my areas that need work instead of denying them. But for the most part, I'am goin to remind myself of the moment for now. I like what is up in the next few weeks which includes assistance to animals at the NSVP, help fam and friends with my "logical advice", relaxation in NYC, and getting a legit oppurtunity to just discuss ideas, expieriences, and other fresh elements with a very awesome person that is still kind of new to my sect of quality human beings! And of course, I cannot wait for the next tour, but thats not in the moment for this week at least!

ps - I want to add that I have slept for more than 6 hours this weekend, and while at home! This only happens when I'am relaxed or content. So I don't know wheter to be happy or worried that I'am relaxed right now. Out of character, maybe a good thing for once...

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

I'm stomping on it anyway....

For all those years I have been screaming for change, I will spend the next half making noise louder than any fucking amp at a Tragedy show. I have spent too long planning out where I want to be. It is now time to just make it all happen regardless of how much I have to tear down. Although there were perks in the past 24 years, 90% of my expierience seems to had just been filler. No more excuses or setbacks! This is it, and I will keep at the mindset of "all or nothing". Time to seriously scratch the surface and leave that actual mark I bitch about not being able to make. Fuck the past, it will just keep me too goddamn stagnant! I want to expierience the time of my life scratching at my door , instead of just talking about it to the cieling tiles via 3am 7 days a week!