one thing that I can depend on...

Since I have been home recently, I have been incredibly angsty and stressed. I'am weeks away from digging an early grave for the one thing that has given me a true identity and actually made me happy at moments the past 2 years! What am I going to have after this??? It's no fucking sob story but I realize that the majority of my spent time is near my drumkit, a cup of coffee, a book of rythmic art, and my playlist of the best records anyone has smashed out on the reels! Thats really it. But now I find myself completly back at square one with this break up and I feel like I'am suffocating.

I was feeling very sick in the afternoon on thursday, but no so much in a sense where you can cure it with an over the counter popper. I felt like I have not been in existance the past few months. I feel like that kid who was amped on life, so enthused, and just thrilled to be persuing what he had wanted to just dissapeared into seclusion! I sat in Union Square in midst of the rush hour lunch traffic. I had a shit tons sack of some really intense thoughts in my mind and I felt held down.

I then proceeded to put on one of my all time favorite records in that time of need. It had been quite awhile since I had been colored by this one, so I did not hesitate on pushin play! The record is "Energy" by my favorite East Bay band Operation Ivy! Since I first heard this record in 8th grade, it has always done alot for me. I dig how I can listen to every track on the LP and always change my mind on which is my favorite joint because they are all way to fresh! That is how you know a record is one of your all time fav's, when there is no need to fast foward and rush.

For me, this was more than just a band that you heard on the latest skate video, or who's patch you would see on some downtown punk rockers jacket. When I first heard this LP at very young age, I gave it my full attention, and it raised me up in this world so to speak. Operation Ivy really covered alot on real life situations, honesty, and just really grabbed you by the hem, smacked you so hard to the degree of swelling, and just turned around what you once knew in a 180 kickflip!

They also took very upbeat and pleasant ska beats and just drapped some of the darkest lyrics over them in the most legit flow a punk rock kid could ever spit on the mic! To this day when I hear "Freeze Up", I still get chills, and feel angry and disgusted with the current state of humanity. BUT, what I'am getting at is, the anger inspires me to get up, stay focused, and stay in the balance of being creative, motivated, and willing to leave a mark for the better on others! I personally feel this band got it right in all departments! Lyrically Jesse Michaels was ontop of the game and is pure genius. He told it like it is, even had some hip hop flow, and spat out some of the fastest patterns you will here a voxer belt out, like in "Hoboken"! And musically, the band took a chance, and I think thats why it went over so well!

I must've had "Energy" on repeat for the rest of the day, and although I was not feeling so fresh still, it at least relieved me from the mud for a period of time. It also kicked some more thought to my face. I'am so capable of creating something so mark making and changing for others, and I need to make it happen now. I need others on my side that are willing to just shove everything else aside. Individuals that feel mutually disgusted with the current state of things but have the drive to take down all the nonsense. Kids that have the same talent and creativity in the right direction, and who are just movers that will make it all happen now! So thank you Operation Ivy for consoling me when I'am kicked to the ground. It just boggles me that I can still feel this way about a record 11 years after my first listen. I only hope I can hold a flame to "Energy" with the band that I will be a part of that will make it's mark!

"Give me artificial, give me superficial,
Give me a commercial life that can't be bought.
This I say to you, what I say is true :
Emotions aren't a product to sell and be consumed"

- Operation Ivy